I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
