I wannas sexs uuuuu
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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