He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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