So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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