I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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