My liver just broke up with me...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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