Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
