its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize