I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
