Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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