is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
