Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
