I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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