"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
