ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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