That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
