She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
