Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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