I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
