Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
