All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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