I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize