He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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