hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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