Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just found a bag of teeth...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
