You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
