Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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