I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
