Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
