My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
