My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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