you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
