You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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