The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
