cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I sprained my soul last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
