she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
