Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
