"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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