His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
