Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
