Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
