"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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