You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
