just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
