ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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