I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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