when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
