my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Let's get the cat blown out
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
