I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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