$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
