and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
