At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dick very happy bro
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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