Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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