"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
