My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize