My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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