i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
