Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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