pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
