I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize