u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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