dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
