If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
