And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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