i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
