I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
